This post continues a series on marriage and sexuality from 1 Corinthians 6–7. If you’re just joining, Stop Managing It, Scripture Says Run is a good place to start.
You’ve heard it all.
Your mom says you need to get married. Your single friends say you’re missing out by being married. Your pastor says singleness is a gift. Your therapist says marriage is the goal. The podcast you listen to says compatibility is everything. The book on your nightstand says find your “person.”
Everyone has an opinion. Nobody agrees. And somewhere in that noise, you’re trying to figure out what you actually should do—or whether what you’re doing right now is even enough.
Here’s the thing: the overwhelming part isn’t the decision itself. It’s that you’re getting advice from people who don’t know your situation, don’t know your God, and frankly, don’t know what they’re talking about.
What if there was a different voice? What if God actually said something about this—something that cuts through all the noise and makes sense of the confusion you’re carrying?
He did. And once you hear it, you can’t unhear it.
The Lie Everyone Believes
Culture has a simple formula for life satisfaction: Find the right person. Fall in love. Build a life together. Be happy.
It’s everywhere. In movies. In conversations. In the way people talk about their relationships. I’m so much happier since I got married. Or the flip side: I’m finally living my best life as a single person.
The formula sounds clean. It sounds true. It feels true when you’re listening to it.
But it’s a lie.
And God doesn’t soften the truth about it. He’s direct:
Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.
1 Corinthians 7:28 (KJV)
Marriage comes with trouble. Two different people. Different needs, different ways of seeing the world, different expectations. That’s not a failure of marriage. That’s the reality of it.
Here’s what this actually means: marriage will not fix your loneliness. It will not heal your spiritual emptiness. It will not make you whole. A spouse can walk alongside you in healing. They cannot do the healing. Only Jesus can.
Many people marry hoping it will. They think, If I can just find the right person, I’ll finally be happy. Finally be complete. Then they marry, and something shifts. The honeymoon fades. Reality sets in. And they discover they’re still themselves—same struggles, same questions, same brokenness. Just now with a witness to it all.
The world’s advice says your status determines your worth. God’s Word says something radically different.
What Scripture Actually Says
Paul addresses this head-on in 1 Corinthians 7. And what he reveals is so countercultural it still shocks people:
Now concerning virgins I have no commandment of the Lord: yet I give my judgment, as one that hath obtained mercy of the Lord to be faithful.
1 Corinthians 7:25 (KJV)
Notice what he doesn’t do. He doesn’t give you a formula. He doesn’t tell you when to marry or who to marry.
Instead, he gives you perspective. And that’s actually better.
Here’s the fundamental difference between worldly advice and God’s advice:
The world says: “Find the right person and you’ll be happy.”
God says: “Be faithful to Me in whatever status you’re in, and trust Me to direct your path.”
One lives and dies by external conditions. The other is anchored in your relationship with God—which never changes, no matter what happens around you.
If You’re Single Right Now
Singleness is not incomplete. It’s not a waiting room. It’s not something to endure until “real life” starts.
It’s a platform.
Listen to what Scripture says:
He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.
1 Corinthians 7:32–33 (KJV)
That’s not diminishing marriage. It’s honoring what’s true: marriage demands attention, energy, focus. And that’s good. A husband loves his wife. A wife honors her husband. Those are godly things.
But an unmarried person has something different: freedom. Freedom to serve the Lord without divided attention. Freedom to use this season in ways that married believers simply cannot.
If you’re single, stop apologizing for it. Stop treating it like an incomplete version of adulthood. You’ve been given something—something real, something valuable. Use it.
If You’re Married
If you entered marriage hoping it would make you happy or complete, you might be disappointed. And that disappointment? There’s actually freedom in it.
The freedom to stop expecting your spouse to be your savior and start expecting Jesus to be.
Marry for companionship. Marry for love. Marry to build a life together. Those are all beautiful reasons.
But don’t marry expecting wholeness. Don’t marry looking for healing. That leads to resentment—toward your spouse, toward marriage, toward God.
Instead, bring your whole, honest self to marriage. Bring your broken places too—but bring them to Jesus first. Let Him do the healing work. Then you can actually be present with your spouse instead of asking them to fix what only Christ can fix.
The One Thing That Holds This Together
Whether single or married, whether prospering or struggling, whether celebrating or grieving, there’s one thing that changes everything:
Contentment.
Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.
1 Corinthians 7:27 (KJV)
Married and daydreaming about being single? That’s discontentment. Single and obsessing over finding a spouse? That’s discontentment too. Both are ways of refusing to trust God with what He’s actually given you right now.
But contentment isn’t resignation. It’s not giving up or settling. It’s active. It says: I trust that God knows what I need. I will serve Him faithfully in this season, and I will let Him lead me into the next.
That posture—that deep trust—frees you from the exhausting work of constantly second-guessing your life. Is this where I’m supposed to be? Should I be doing something different? Why hasn’t He answered this prayer yet? These questions keep you stuck. Contentment moves you forward.
Who Are You Actually Trying to Please?
All of this narrows to a single question:
And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.
1 Corinthians 7:35 (KJV)
The goal is singular: attend upon the Lord without distraction.
Not without marriage. Not without joy or relationships or provision. Without distraction—without letting secondary things become primary. Without letting the pursuit of a specific status pull your eyes off the One who actually matters.
Whether you marry or remain single, the question is always the same: Are you pleasing the Lord? Are you attending to Him with your whole heart?
That’s God’s actual advice. And it works in every circumstance, in every season, for every person. The world can’t say that. Culture can’t say that. But God can.
Closing
If you’ve been living according to the world’s script about marriage and singleness, it’s time to ask God directly what He actually says. Stop settling for borrowed wisdom. Stop listening to narratives that don’t align with Scripture. God has already spoken.
If you’re struggling to trust God in your current season—whether that’s singleness, a struggling marriage, or the waiting—my book Standing in the Dark: What to Do When You Can’t See the Way Forward explores how to trust God when the path ahead is unclear. You can find it on Amazon.
Sit with these questions:
- What voices have shaped your beliefs about marriage and singleness? Are they aligned with Scripture?
- If you’re single, how might God be calling you to use this season rather than merely endure it?
- If you’re married, what would change if you viewed your marriage as a platform for serving God rather than a destination for happiness?
- What in your life right now is demanding attention that should belong to the Lord?
If you’re struggling to trust God in your current season—whether that’s singleness, a struggling marriage, or the waiting—my book Standing in the Dark: What to Do When You Can’t See the Way Forward explores how to trust God when the path ahead is unclear. You can find it on Amazon.
Define God, from every “Christian” perspective. Also from every “Religious” one.
I appreciate the read, Matt. My aim here is always to point to what Scripture actually says about God, not just my take on Him, but His Word. Thanks again for reading.