The moment one of you becomes a Christian and the other one doesn’t—everything changes.
You’ve given your life to Christ. Really given it. You’re praying now. You’re reading Scripture. You’re part of a church community. And you go home to someone who thinks all of that is… what? A phase? A betrayal? Something that pulled the person they married away from them.
Maybe they were fine with it at first. Now they’re not.
You’re not on the same page anymore. That’s the simplest way to say it. And if you’re living this, you know it’s the loneliest thing. You’re building a whole spiritual life and your spouse isn’t in it. Can’t be in it. Won’t be in it. You see them watching you from outside it all, and you hate it and you love them anyway, and then you hate that you hate it, and—
Look. It’s lonely. I’m not going to pretend otherwise.
So you’ve got questions. Should I stay? Is God asking too much? What about my kids—what are they supposed to think about all this? And the one you can’t quite ask out loud: Am I allowed to leave?
The Bible speaks to this. Let me tell you what it actually says.
What God Says About Staying
If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. (1 Corinthians 7:12–13 KJV)
If they’ll stay. That’s the key. If she be pleased to dwell with him. If your spouse is willing to keep the marriage going, Paul says don’t be the one to end it.
But why? That’s what you really want to know.
For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. (1 Corinthians 7:14 KJV)
Sanctified. That word gets misunderstood. It doesn’t mean they magically become a Christian. That’s not what this is saying.
What it means is this: your faith in that home—your actual, lived-out faith—it sets that home apart. It makes it different. Your spouse sees what it means to follow Jesus. Not in theory. In practice. In how you handle yourself when you’re angry. In how you forgive. In how you keep choosing to love even when it’s hard. Your kids grow up watching that. They see faith isn’t just something you talk about on Sunday.
That’s God working in your home through you. That’s real.
But—and this is a big but—it only works if you’re serious about it. If you’re actually growing in your faith. If you’re not just going through motions. Your spouse will see right through that. Your kids will see right through that. You can’t win them over to something you’re only halfway committed to yourself.
So staying means more than just staying. It means deepening. Getting more serious about Jesus, not less. That’s hard. I know it’s hard.
What If They Leave
Not everyone stays. Some people try for a while and then they’re done.
Sometimes the unbelieving spouse just—leaves. Decides this is too much. Decides they married someone and this isn’t who that person is anymore. Decides they want out.
What then?
But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. (1 Corinthians 7:15 KJV)
Let him depart.
If they’re the one who walks away, you don’t have to hold it together. You’re not bound to a marriage that one person is already out of. God releases you from that.
Not immediately remarrying. That’s not what this says. But you’re not under bondage. You’re freed from having to be the one holding on.
I’ve sat with people who heard that verse and just… broke. Like they’d been carrying something impossible and someone finally said you don’t have to carry that anymore. You’re not failing. You did what you could. If they leave, that’s on them, not you.
There’s still this: What knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? (1 Corinthians 7:16 KJV). Even after they’re gone, there’s a possibility they might come back to faith. Your life might be a witness to that. It’s possible. But you’re not the one responsible for making it happen anymore. That burden is gone.
You’re called to peace. Sometimes peace means letting go.
When You’re Both Believers
Different situation entirely.
And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. (1 Corinthians 7:10–11 KJV)
Don’t leave. If you do separate, you don’t get to remarry. You stay single or you work toward reconciliation.
Why the difference? Because you both have the same Spirit living in you. You both have access to the same grace. You both can repent. You both can change. You both can be healed.
A marriage between two believers that’s falling apart isn’t hopeless. It’s actually the opposite. Redemption is possible. Real redemption. Not just “staying miserable together” but actual healing and restoration.
I’m not saying stay if you’re being abused. That’s a different conversation and I’ll talk about that if you need me to. But if you’re just disconnected? If you’re fighting? If you’ve drifted? Before you walk away, exhaust everything. Get counseling. Pray. Confess what you’ve done wrong. Try again. And again.
Because you have tools other marriages don’t have. You can pray together. You can go to Scripture together. You can get help from your church. You can both appeal to the same God.
It’s work. Hard work. But it’s not impossible.
The Thing God Closes With
But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches. (1 Corinthians 7:17 KJV)
Whatever your marriage is right now. Whoever you’re married to. If you’re thriving or drowning or somewhere in between. God placed you there.
Not as punishment. Not as accident. As placement.
He knows your marriage. He’s not surprised by it.
So What Now
If you’re married to a believer: fight. Love. Don’t quit. Get help if you need it. Your marriage is a living testimony to something—make sure it’s a good one.
If you’re married to an unbeliever: stay if they’ll let you. Live faithfully. Don’t use your faith as a weapon. Pray. Be a witness. And if they leave, don’t carry guilt you didn’t earn. God released you from that. You’re called to peace.
And if you’re struggling—come talk to someone. Come talk to me. Don’t wait until it’s already broken. Come when you’re tired. Come when you’re angry. That’s what I’m here for.
God sees you. He’s not disappointed. Walk where He’s placed you.
If you’re struggling in your marriage—whether you’re married to a believer or an unbeliever—remember: you’re not alone. God sees you. If you’re in the dark about what comes next, there’s a resource that might help. My ebook, Standing in the Dark: What to Do When You Can’t See the Way Forward, is designed for people navigating exactly these kinds of impossible situations. It’s available on Amazon.